Monday, January 26, 2009

For anyone who has been reading our blog you can see that we are going through some trying times. It was a really strange experience to feel like I was leaving my wife and family, for we feared that MRSE had not responded to the medicine I was given to fight it. Even stranger, I was under the impression that I was only days away of having that great mystery in my life answered. God why have we not seen your power in our lives? Were did we miss up that we never became the people I see promised and talked about in the New Testament. Where were the people with power from on high? Where was the greater things that we can do than Jesus because He went to the Father? Where was the say to this mountain go into the sea and into the sea it goes?

For me my struggle with this skin issue is more than simply asking God to heal me. As much as I would like God to supernaturally heal me, I want His Holy Spirit. I prayed the morning I was to go to the hospital most earnestly. I prayed for healing but I also sought God for His Holy Spirit as I have so many times.

I find it odd that the thing we can fake as from the Holy Spirit. In plenty we find those things in church. We can fake speaking in tongues. We can fake words of knowledge and prophecy. In some churches we have these things in abundance. I am not saying they are fake, but in sharp contrast we do not have in abundance or at all those things we can not fake from the Holy Spirit. Where is the power from on high? We can’t fake a life long cripple being healed or the autistic child being restored to his right mind. How many demons has the average church cast out? How many of us can ask the Father anything as Jesus says and the Father will do it for us? Let alone skipping stones in the ocean with the mountains.

My prayer to God has been that I feel like Cain. For even Cain knew what the consequences of killing his brother was. It wasn’t that someone might kill him. Cain said his punishment was too much because he would be cast out of the presence of the Lord. In my life I do not have the presence of the Lord as I read is available for New Testament believers. So my prayer is that the Lord would not cast me out of His presence. I believe that God has had His Holy Spirit on me, but I don’t see the evidence of the infilling of the Holy Spirit in me.

Many may be taken back by my comment and say that I should have more faith. But I am still left with a life that doesn’t match up to that which was promised to the believer. I can no longer sweep this under the rug.

My prayers are constantly asking God if He is no longer able to trust anyone with His Holy Spirit, for I only see those things we can fake and not those things we can not in peoples lives including my own.

My prayers are constantly asking God if it is possible for a man of today to walk with God as Enoch. Can a man be such a man for God to call him a friend as God did for Abraham? What about Samuel, David, Daniel, Jeremiah, Elijah, Ezekiel, Paul, Peter, John or how about Stephen a man filled with the Holy Spirit and who did miracles? Can a man in our time be a man who can be above average like those men? Scripture mentions and almost makes it a given of believers.

My prayer has been for many years not to see an angel or have a visitation from the Lord. Nor do I want to die and go to heaven for 30 minutes and come back all fired up because I saw heaven. I want to be what scripture says I can be because I believed God’s Word and put my faith in God’s promises. I want to be the man I read about in Scripture that seams to be missing in our churches today. But at last I know I am only suffering from grandiosity. I actually think that God could make me that kind of man someday and use me in a great way for His Church.

1 comment:

Farmerboy's Mom said...

Amen!! We're believing right along with you!

We've been praying for you constantly! My bloggie friends have been too!

Hold FAST!

Pslams 144:12 -

That our sons may be as plants
and our daughters may be pillars sculptured in palace style.


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